It’s time to let go of control and let God.
Do you feel the need to control your life and situations? If yes, it’s time to let go of control and let God. Say adios to being a control freak.
That feels really hard and really ugly, doesn’t it? Oh, how I know it.
What is the control freak?
Here’s the simple answer. The control freak is that inner voice that says:
- Wait, it’s not perfect yet
- I have to do everything
- No, I have to do it or it won’t be right
- I better learn more first
- No one else will ever be able to do this the way I do it
- I’ll just wait until I know it will work
- What if you mess this up
- I have to do it this way or it won’t work
There are more phrases the control freak says, but the point is, that the control freak is a critic. She is very closely related to the perfectionist, maybe even her identical twin. And thinks she needs to control every situation to ensure everything goes the way she thinks it should.
The result? Continuously living with doubt, fear, overthinking, and procrastination. In addition, you feel exhausted because you’re always on duty, doing it all. So you think.
But in reality, others offer to help you, but you don’t trust they will do it right, or good enough.
Your thoughts aren’t always the best thoughts
Isaiah 55:9 says, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Here’s the thing about our thoughts. They are human. As humans, we are distracted. Distracted by secular influences and let’s face it, the devil himself. So when we find ourselves trying to control a situation, person, or outcome, we need to quiet our inner control freak and turn to God.
Most of the time we don’t know what we don’t know. And we aren’t meant to build our lives and businesses alone. We need God to equip us. The gifts of the Spirit (wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord) awaken us to the next best action steps to take to grow. And we need people around us to help us. Or, we will experience burnout.
The control freak isn’t perfect
There’s a misconception our control freak has, that she is perfect, and if she maintains control of everything, everything will work out in her favor.
The driving force for seeking control is the need to be perfect so others will be impressed. Yes, there are times when we need to impress ourselves, but this would be called pride. And we are not to be proud, but humble. Being successful and living a good life isn’t about bragging rights.
We are reminded of this in James 4:6, “But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”
I love this verse from James. James 3:2 reads, “Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” There we have it. We aren’t perfect and we cannot control ourselves, therefore we can’t control others or situations. And the more we try, the more we fail because people see through the lack of trust in our ability. Being hyper-vigilant results in loss of relationships and decreased productivity.
The control freak probably isn’t happy
Did you know that happiness increases productivity? This is important because when you live in need of being in control, you don’t relax, you don’t let your guard down, and you are less likely to have a gratitude practice because you are always on the lookout for what could go wrong. When you don’t focus on what has gone well and the blessings you’ve been given, you don’t achieve a sustained level of happiness.
Where can we look for help?
In 2 Samuel 22:31, we are told that “As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is fearless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.”
Imagine. If we let go and let God, timing and results will be exactly what they should be. His plan is perfect. Therefore, we can let go of control and rely on Him. And when it feels really hard, we can take refuge in Him. Lean into Him. Let him hold us by the right hand and lead us.
To let go, you need belief and trust. The belief that God will always equip you for what he’s called you. In addition, belief in the gifts He has given you, and belief in others, that they can help you, or need you.
When you let down your guard of control, you’ll start to see how God has been working. One way to better see God’s blessings is to start a gratitude practice. Doing so will help you become more aware of how God is working in your life and for you. It’s really simple. At the end of each day, write down three things you are grateful for. Three things that you saw throughout the day where you knew God was working. It may be as simple as the clean water He provided to fuel your body and brain.
Control is fear
In Romans 8:15, Paul tells us “For you did not receive a spirit of slavery that returns you to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The need to control arises from fear. Fear of failure, fear of making mistakes, fear of not pleasing others. Fear. However, when you rely on the Holy Spirit and His gifts, fear will be alleviated. You’ll be able to see past fear and begin to believe and trust. The more you believe and trust, the more you will be able to let go of control and find happiness.
Therefore, you’ll be able to let go of control. It will be baby steps, not giant leaps. So give yourself the grace to grow over time. Don’t expect change overnight. Make a list of the areas in your life where you feel the most need for control. Then make a list of things you are comfortable to delegate. Select the person who has offered to help previously, and give them the task. Or, assign a chore to your child. The bed sheets and towels do not need to be folded perfectly. Wink wink.
Are you ready to let go of control?
Remember, even Jesus surrendered control to God the Father. He could have saved himself from death on the course, but He was obedient for you and me. Matthew 26:39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
And yet another reminder that we must submit control, Jeremiah 10:23 tells us, “LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.”
The superhuman paradox discussed in Episode 269 is a great reference for letting go of control and stepping into being instead of always doing.
Change is inevitable
The fact is, change is inevitable. Here’s a story of change that I made to improve my personal brand and marketing. I had to let go of control and make a change that felt scary, but exciting. I chose to embrace the fear and excitement and just do it, even though it was messy.
Mindset Modeling along with prayer
For an additional resource, start a situational mindset modeling practice alongside prayer and reading scripture. God created our brains so miraculously that we can change the neuropathways in our brains. It requires practice, but we can do it. My 5 C’s journaling method is a great place to begin. Start by catching the need to control. Then challenge the need. Is it realistic? Would someone you know and trust think that only you could accomplish this task? If the answer is no, change the thought that you need to have control. The more you change the thought of needing to be in control, the more you’ll be able to control your need to control. As you have more control over your thoughts, you’ll be more confident in letting go and letting God or others take the wheel.
Anxiety, like fear, results in the need to control. The 5 Cs journaling practice is also fabulous for navigating anxiety and helping to release the need to be hyper-vigilant.
You’ve got this!
Control holding you back?
Let’s chat! As a business growth strategist and Christian business coach, mindset modeling is a significant part of my program. Your business won’t grow if you lack belief and feel the need to control every aspect of your business. It’s amazing what happens when you let go of perfectionism and control and open your mind to new ways of doing things. Opportunities arise. Schedule a free consult with me and we’ll see what strategies you can implement to take the next best step to grow your business and relinquish your inner control freak.
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