Communication is Key for Finding Balance and Intimacy for Power
Couples and Entrepreneurs
About Naketa Ren Thigpen
Naketa broke barriers and glass ceilings nearly ten years ago when she architected her professional skill set as a Psychotherapist, Trauma Specialist, Sexology and Relationship expert with strategically infused tenets of breakthrough success coaching to raise the bar and create ripples inside the personal development industry. She is now regarded as the #1 Balance & Relationship Advisor in the World. Naketa has become the go-to for fast-scaling married women entrepreneurs and power couples seeking to balance love and success without dimming or apologizing for their spirited ambition. She is the creator of the breakthrough paradigm the Joy Map Method, an International Best-selling Author of the book Selfish, Transformative Empowerment Speaker and CEO of ThigPro Balance and Relationship Management Institute.
Doing It All Won’t Achieve Balance and Intimacy
Naketa helps power couples find emotional and physical intimacy to tap into intellectual intimacy. Often times career women and female entrepreneurs have built their lives thinking they can and have to do all the things. Maybe it was a parent or teacher who influenced their thinking that they weren’t going to achieve their dreams, but something has driven them to think that they have to be and do it all. These influences cause women to move full speed in their businesses and lives and they don’t give themselves time to pause and say,“What do I really want now that I’m in my 30s, 40s or 50s versus what I thought I had to be in my 20s?”
Judgement Can Prevent Us From Achieving Balance and Intimacy
We are all guilty of placing judgement on ourselves and harbour these negative thoughts which ultimately hold us back. Instead of seeing mistakes or failures as learning opportunities, we get stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts and judgements, which hold us back.
How much does judgment hold us back from emotionally connecting with others? Naketa says it is a very large issue. But many times, it’s not just the lack of physical connection and intimacy, it is something deeper. Sometimes it is loss or other emotional stresses that cause negative emotions or loss of identity that prevent us from fully showing up in our businesses or relationships.
The solution isn’t fixing the person, it’s about helping both parties heal. Naketa helps people see that they can lose themselves in the process of trying to help someone else. It is possible to blend identities back together. There can be a lot of stress and mess if identities such as a spouse, career person, entrepreneur, or parent, are not blended together within each individual in a relationship. These identities need to be blended together for yourself first before a relationship can be put back together.
Trust Is Important for Creating Balance and Intimacy
This is a huge part of why trust is a huge issue for so many entrepreneurs. Intimacy with ourselves is linked to trust. Trusting ourselves to make the right decisions and trusting others is hard.
If you’ve been in a place in life where people have disappointed you constantly and haven’t lived up to your expectations of who you thought they should be in your life, it could be that you’ve been given them positions in your life that they haven’t earned. If someone is a really good person but hasn’t truly given you the seed that they are a best friend, you can’t treat them like a best friend. Treat them as good friends, and trust them with small invitations and opportunities first. It’s like dating. It’s important to do this with all relationships. People who have experienced trust issues growing up tend to have more challenges with inviting people in too quickly.
As humans, we should listen to our intuition when we feel a connection but take time to let people all the way into our inner circle of life, heart or business. If you jump into relationships in business, it’s going to show up in your bedroom or personal relationships as well.
Communication is Key for Creating Balance and Intimacy
The way you do one thing is the way you do all things. If energetic and an extrovert in business but an introvert and quiet in your personal life you aren’t doing everything the same. When you go from your professional life where you’ve used all this energy, you are not leaving anything for the personal side of your life. You exhaust yourself by not being in a place of balance in your business and personal life.
You have to communicate your needs to yourself. “That’s what balance is, being able to communicate the truth about what you really want and creating boundaries around what you want.” Being really clear on what you want. Look at all of your needs. Think about Maslov’s hierarchy of needs. You need more than just having your needs met.
If you want to thrive you have to communicate with your lover. When there is a lack of fire in the bedroom, communicate that to your partner. Try something different. If you always have sex in the dark, turn the lights on. Pull back the covers for a change. Be on the floor, just doing something different. Don’t point the finger at your lover. Listen to your actions. If you are showing up for your lover and saying I’ve saved my energy for you, then show them what you want them to do and slowly groom them or let them groom you so that you can be the lover you want each other to be.
Ego Is a Hindrance to Achieving Balance and Intimacy
When you remove yourself back from your ego, which protects us and gives us comfort, you can realize that you are both evolving as humans and can communicate better. Naketa says we have so many things in our life to take the awkwardness away, like playing Sex Jenga.
Vulnerability Is Necessary for Achieving Balance and Intimacy for Life and Career Success
Women typically have the narrative that being sexy or seductive is like being a prostitute. Even though we know, logically, that consensual relationships are OK. Do little teasing, and tantalizing moments and build up the comfort level with each other. Lean into the curiosity and don’t let your ego cause you to pull away. Over the years, as our bodies change, etc. we become more vulnerable. It’s important to lean into what used to be and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Do things so that your partner can see that you are taking action to connect with him/her. Allow yourself the kindness and understanding that this is a process and will give you more confidence. It takes time.
As humans, we often don’t allow others to change. And sometimes people are changing for us, not themselves.
Is Change Possible?
We can’t change other people and we shouldn’t expect them to change. At what point do people need to seek help or is it ever too late to seek help?
People often get into a place where emotional connection has dissipated, and people often have affairs because they are seeking that connection
Naketa believes it is never too late to change. As a Christian, Naketa believes that it is never too late to give yourself over to God, therefore it is never too late to change as long as you are open to doing what needs to be done to get to the other side of a relationship.
You have to be willing to look at the whole picture and evaluate the emotional intimacy and when it’s not there, it’s time to seek help. Naketa works with people who are happy but realize they want more. Most of her clients don’t see themselves as unhappy, but they want to turn up the volume in their relationship.
The reality is that everyone has something wrong, or something that is not going perfectly. It’s important to recognize this and take action to get help.
Naketa’s life journey was one of trauma and triumph. In the book, Naketa shares how she found balance and intimacy in her life and found her zone of genius for helping others do the same.
You can learn more about her story by reading her book “Selfish”.
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